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Being involved...


Is it just me or does anyone else have trouble with dating when suffering from anxiety? I have had to sit it out for a while trying to figure out how to get back into the dating scene.

I mean do I like anyone? Of course and am I talking to someone? Damn right I am but with Leticia you can never really go beyond that. I find myself constantly overthinking and in fear of what the person might think if they find out about Leticia.

Not everything is as it looks with me because one minute we could be happy and in love but the next minute I am down and out not feeling like company or being around anyone at all.

Leticia has this thing where she keeps telling me that I am not good enough for the person or he is not going to be here for too long then I get scared and hold back.

Do you know how hard it is for me to go out on a date? As hard as building a rocket would be for an Accountant like me. First is the issue of dressing up, nothing ever looks good enough, secondly going out to a public space with large crowds and that's a no thanks for Leticia and me.

Lastly I have to go out and make nice with someone for hours talking about myself and there's not much to tell,  I am literally cringing as I write this because all of this is a lot for me. It seems like the world is expecting too much from me and I cannot guarantee that I will not fail.

My family and friends do not understand why I have not been involved with anyone for a while and I keep trying to explain that this is not by choice.

There's not a thing that I would love more  like being in a beautiful loving relationship where I do not have to worry about the person leaving me because of my meltdowns or being too clingy.

But since it hasn't been happening for me and the fear was very much at its peak I had to save myself and build barriers around me while waiting for someone who will come into my life and embrace both Leticia and I.

A person who is going to understand what I am going through without feeling like I am too needy or demanding because most of the time I am.

It hasn't been easy on my end but I am still a hopeful romantic and I hope that my frog will find me soon so we can both transform together. Him into a handsome prince and me into a much better candidate for a princess.

I hope things are going much better for you guys and do share your stories with us so we can learn from each other.

Until next time don't forget to BREATHE...

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